Well I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas or a Blessed Yule. I had a wonderful day at home with my husband and my daughter. However, Christmas Eve wasn't all that wonderful for me. My daughter had to work, and my husband and I went to finish a couple of last minute things. On the way we had a little car trouble. We thought we had fixed it, until we were headed back to pick up my daughter from work. We spent almost an hour on the side of the road trying to make phone calls for someone to come get us. We thought we had lost the transmission, but it was a brake problem stemming from the brake booster we replaced the day before. We don't know what is wrong at this time, but the vehicle is home and we are hoping to get it fixed very soon.
I spent a few minutes on Christmas day speaking with a friend of mine and deciding that even though life has thrown us both some curve balls over the past month or so, we are going to celebrate life. We are both healthy, well for the most part, and we have found a friendship with each other. This coming year is going to be a wonderful year. I am not going to dwell on the past. The past is just that. It is the past. There is nothing I can do to change it, however, there is something I can do about my future. People will be what they are. I am who I am. If you can accept me for me, then I gladly welcome you into my reality. If you can not, then I bid you goodbye and offer you blessings for a good life.
I've made some decisions over the past few days and I hope I have the courage to stick to them. I am no longer going to be concerned with the opinions of other people whether they be family or friends. I have to live my own life and I can't continue letting other people interfere. I am going to finish school and open my shop. And I can't wait until I have that opening day. It is going to be GLORIOUS!! I know they say 50% of all new businesses fail within the first year, but I have faith in the Goddess that this is my destiny. This is what I was meant to do. And I am going to do it. I know that I have what it takes to succeed and I have my family to stand behind me. Many blessings to all of you and Blessed Be!!
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Sunday, December 23, 2012
My path
As I sit and write this, I am thinking of all of the men and women who are serving our country this holiday season. I want to start by saying THANK YOU for your service and I hope that you will be home with your families very soon.
This holiday season is not a merry one for me. I have my husband and my daughter and I am thankful to the Goddess for them both. But I so much want to be able to have a better relationship with the rest of my family. But it is a time of new beginnings and cleansing. As I sat in my meditation space during the Solstice, I began to feel a connection to the Earth. I have never felt so open and in tune with Mother Earth. I know people don't understand my religious path. But it is not for other people to understand my path, it is only that they allow me to believe the way I do and allow me my freedom to practice the way I choose. I meditate each night (well I try to) on the day's happenings and on things that I feel I need some guidance about. My meditations lately have taken me to a path where I can see myself fulfilling my dreams and finally becoming the person that I want to be. Each person must follow the path that they are given and I have swayed from this path so much lately that I need to get back on it. It will take some time and some patience. But with a little guidance and my own perseverance I know that I will be back on the path meant for me.
I spent a lot of time in my life giving of myself and making sure everyone else was happy. This Solstice I made a promise to myself to take a little more time for me. I will be finishing school very soon and that will put me one step closer to where I need to be. I will be meeting with a woman about some space for my shop after the holidays. I have found a sister of the heart who follows the same path as I do. We have both had some issues concerning people not understanding why we follow the path that we do. But we both know that this is the path we chose. People seem to think that Pagans and Wiccans are devil worshipers. Trust me, we are NOT. We worship the Earth. Christians think of going to church as meeting inside a building once a week and saying their prayers. I am in church every time I step outside. The Earth is my church. I don't condemn other religions and I expect the same considerations about mine. I am who I am and your approval is neither desired nor required. But I will take your acceptance. However, if you can not accept me for who I am, then please let me show you the door.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a Happy and Safe New Year. Blessed Be my friends. And may the Goddess bless you with wonderful things in the coming year.
This holiday season is not a merry one for me. I have my husband and my daughter and I am thankful to the Goddess for them both. But I so much want to be able to have a better relationship with the rest of my family. But it is a time of new beginnings and cleansing. As I sat in my meditation space during the Solstice, I began to feel a connection to the Earth. I have never felt so open and in tune with Mother Earth. I know people don't understand my religious path. But it is not for other people to understand my path, it is only that they allow me to believe the way I do and allow me my freedom to practice the way I choose. I meditate each night (well I try to) on the day's happenings and on things that I feel I need some guidance about. My meditations lately have taken me to a path where I can see myself fulfilling my dreams and finally becoming the person that I want to be. Each person must follow the path that they are given and I have swayed from this path so much lately that I need to get back on it. It will take some time and some patience. But with a little guidance and my own perseverance I know that I will be back on the path meant for me.
I spent a lot of time in my life giving of myself and making sure everyone else was happy. This Solstice I made a promise to myself to take a little more time for me. I will be finishing school very soon and that will put me one step closer to where I need to be. I will be meeting with a woman about some space for my shop after the holidays. I have found a sister of the heart who follows the same path as I do. We have both had some issues concerning people not understanding why we follow the path that we do. But we both know that this is the path we chose. People seem to think that Pagans and Wiccans are devil worshipers. Trust me, we are NOT. We worship the Earth. Christians think of going to church as meeting inside a building once a week and saying their prayers. I am in church every time I step outside. The Earth is my church. I don't condemn other religions and I expect the same considerations about mine. I am who I am and your approval is neither desired nor required. But I will take your acceptance. However, if you can not accept me for who I am, then please let me show you the door.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a Happy and Safe New Year. Blessed Be my friends. And may the Goddess bless you with wonderful things in the coming year.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
A letter to me
Dear Me,
I know that you are nearing 40, but it is time to take a little stock in your life. When you were 17 you found out you were pregnant and gave birth to a son. You spent two years giving him your very best, only to have him ripped from you by a crappy court. You then married a man who wanted you to be something you weren't but you tried and tried and still after almost 8 years you just couldn't do it anymore. Through all of that time, you had a mother who spent her days making sure you knew how you were the one who screwed everything up. She never forgave you for the things that happened with your son in 1993. You both tried to make things better. You had an argument and said the things that needed to be said. And you thought things were going well. You moved around a little and finally ended up back home in your hometown. But you are nearing 40 and things can and do change. Tonight kind of solidified the constant problems between you and your mother. She is set in her ways and obviously doesn't want to change. You can't please her so why do you even try. It does you no good to try and make her happy when she is obviously miserable and likes it that way. You made an honest mistake today and instead of asking why and trying to understand, she blew it out of proportion and made ugly statements about it on Facebook. I enjoy Facebook just as much as the next person, but sometimes its just SO STUPID. You have a daughter who loves you and a husband who thinks you are wonderful. Why are you so stuck on trying to please a miserable woman? Yes she is your mother and I know you love her. But when is it ever going to be good enough for her? Let me tell you, it's not. You have made some gradual changes in your life lately. And you are taking the steps in the direction of making your dreams come true. I hope and pray to the Goddess that your mother grows up and realizes how wonderful a person you are, but unfortunately I don't think it will ever happen. She is angry about, whatever, and she doesn't want to try and make amends for it. You have apologized and apologized to her for everything, but it will be up to her whether she accepts those apologies. You can't keep worrying about whether or not she approves. You are a grown woman and the only approval you need is your own. Keep the faith my sister, my friend. The Goddess is watching out for you and will be there when you need her most. Blessed Be!
I know that you are nearing 40, but it is time to take a little stock in your life. When you were 17 you found out you were pregnant and gave birth to a son. You spent two years giving him your very best, only to have him ripped from you by a crappy court. You then married a man who wanted you to be something you weren't but you tried and tried and still after almost 8 years you just couldn't do it anymore. Through all of that time, you had a mother who spent her days making sure you knew how you were the one who screwed everything up. She never forgave you for the things that happened with your son in 1993. You both tried to make things better. You had an argument and said the things that needed to be said. And you thought things were going well. You moved around a little and finally ended up back home in your hometown. But you are nearing 40 and things can and do change. Tonight kind of solidified the constant problems between you and your mother. She is set in her ways and obviously doesn't want to change. You can't please her so why do you even try. It does you no good to try and make her happy when she is obviously miserable and likes it that way. You made an honest mistake today and instead of asking why and trying to understand, she blew it out of proportion and made ugly statements about it on Facebook. I enjoy Facebook just as much as the next person, but sometimes its just SO STUPID. You have a daughter who loves you and a husband who thinks you are wonderful. Why are you so stuck on trying to please a miserable woman? Yes she is your mother and I know you love her. But when is it ever going to be good enough for her? Let me tell you, it's not. You have made some gradual changes in your life lately. And you are taking the steps in the direction of making your dreams come true. I hope and pray to the Goddess that your mother grows up and realizes how wonderful a person you are, but unfortunately I don't think it will ever happen. She is angry about, whatever, and she doesn't want to try and make amends for it. You have apologized and apologized to her for everything, but it will be up to her whether she accepts those apologies. You can't keep worrying about whether or not she approves. You are a grown woman and the only approval you need is your own. Keep the faith my sister, my friend. The Goddess is watching out for you and will be there when you need her most. Blessed Be!
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Cleansing
Sometimes it's just time for a little cleansing. I began cleaning out my friends list on Facebook. I had already made the decision to get rid of a bunch of people but had been putting it off because it was just too much trouble to go through and delete one person at a time. There isn't a way to mass delete people. So with the solstice coming up I decided to go ahead and do it. I'm getting rid of people who don't really talk to me and who are only there because of my recent reunion. The reunion has come and gone and there just is no reason to keep them any longer. I wasn't friends with them in school and I'm not friends with them now. I have discovered recently that its not the quantity of friends you have but the quality of the friends you have. And I've noticed that the quality of my friends has grown lately. I don't have many but the ones I have are genuinely quality friends.
I looked at a store front today and got some information on it. It's a little bigger than I expects but it could work. I'll wait for the contact from the lady downtown but I think this could be what I'm looking for. I'm not going to stand idly by anymore while everyone else gets what they want. I'm going after what I want and by the Goddess I'm going to get it.
Blessed Be my lovelies!!
I looked at a store front today and got some information on it. It's a little bigger than I expects but it could work. I'll wait for the contact from the lady downtown but I think this could be what I'm looking for. I'm not going to stand idly by anymore while everyone else gets what they want. I'm going after what I want and by the Goddess I'm going to get it.
Blessed Be my lovelies!!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Just a couple of thoughts
I don't ask for much. I ask that my child be happy and my family be healthy. However, sometimes those things aren't where I want them to be. I know that things don't always go the way we want them to. But sometimes I just wish for once they would go our way. My family has been through enough. Okay, I am not going to rant and rave about things not going right. However, the Winter Solstice is coming up and it is a time of renewal and regeneration. I think there will be some wonderful changes in the coming year.
I took a step yesterday towards my business. I contacted the downtown area about available spaces for my shop. There is a small space available and I will be going to look at it sometime next week. There are several programs I was informed about because of the rehab that is going on downtown. I hope to be able to qualify for a couple of these. I really want this shop to be a success and I have every confidence that I can do this.
This is probably going to be my shortest entry ever, but there are just so many things going through my head that if I continue to type I'll run out of space, lol. Oh but I did get a new addition to our little family this week. His name is Merlin and he is a 9 week old rat terrier puppy. He is still very much a baby and needs a lot of attention. Blessed Be everyone......
I took a step yesterday towards my business. I contacted the downtown area about available spaces for my shop. There is a small space available and I will be going to look at it sometime next week. There are several programs I was informed about because of the rehab that is going on downtown. I hope to be able to qualify for a couple of these. I really want this shop to be a success and I have every confidence that I can do this.
This is probably going to be my shortest entry ever, but there are just so many things going through my head that if I continue to type I'll run out of space, lol. Oh but I did get a new addition to our little family this week. His name is Merlin and he is a 9 week old rat terrier puppy. He is still very much a baby and needs a lot of attention. Blessed Be everyone......
this is Merlin....isn't he just SO cute??
Monday, November 26, 2012
Just a little venting
As many know, I have had a lot of trials and tribulations in my life lately. We lost our home and had to move. I had a really bad scare with some medical issues. I have spent a good chunk of the last four months trying to get my family back on track. Today, I was shown exactly how people perceive me and I didn't like it. But, I also know that I have a wonderful husband and daughter and whether people like me or not is no longer a concern of mine. I try very hard not to share my problems on Facebook. I do post about some of my feelings and have discovered that some people don't like those either. I was always under the impression that it was ok to let people know how you feel about things. I guess that with some people, unless you feel as they do, your opinions and feelings do not count. My feelings are my feelings and I should not have to justify them to anyone. I spent the better part of the first of the year planning my high school reunion. I wanted to get people t-shirts to commemorate the event. However, with the things that have happened in my life recently, they have been on hold. I had to pay for these out of my own pocket and now people are asking for their money back. This is fine. I will gladly pay them back. I just don't feel that people should be upset with me because I don't have a perfect life like some of them do. I know that is not a good thing to envy people. But sometimes when I think about how great everyone else's life is, I feel that much more crappy about mine. I had an anxiety attack yesterday. I didn't like the way it made me feel and I hope to never have one again. But unless I can get my stress level under control, I see them happening more and more. I chose to start this blog to write my thoughts and to get things that were on my mind out. Hopefully, so I could get my stress level under control. But considering what happened to me yesterday, it isn't happening.
I have a goal. I want a better life for me and my family. I will start my business. And I hope and pray to the Goddess that it is successful. This is my dream and I am taking the steps to make it happen. I am almost done with school. However, with my stress level so high, I have been letting that go by the wayside. I have a week to get everything caught up and I hope I can do so. This is something that is very important to me and I want to graduate and get my degree. People keep telling me they are proud of me for sticking with it. I hope I don't disappoint them. I hope I don't disappoint me.
BLESSED BE!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Just a little
I had not intended on writing today but I just read an old post and wanted to smack myself for attempting to step away from my dream. Now yes, I do love to plan a good party and at one point thought I could make a go of it. However, that is not my dream. My dream is to open my metaphysical shop and get in touch with my inner self. I also want to let people know that just because a person is not of the same belief as you doesn't mean that they are a bad person. How many people light a candle just to enjoy the light or the fragrance?? How many light a candle to remember a loved one? All of these people are performing a type of ritual.
I spent a good chunk of my life living up to everyone else's expectations and along the way I have forgotten my own. I am starting to remember what my purpose is. Yes there will be some that will think less of me and probably step away. But you know there are those that were meant to be a part of my life and those that were meant to be a part of my past. I am blessed by the Goddess to have the ones that are meant to be there. Blessed Be!
I spent a good chunk of my life living up to everyone else's expectations and along the way I have forgotten my own. I am starting to remember what my purpose is. Yes there will be some that will think less of me and probably step away. But you know there are those that were meant to be a part of my life and those that were meant to be a part of my past. I am blessed by the Goddess to have the ones that are meant to be there. Blessed Be!
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