Taking stock in life

I am not usually a very public person.  I like to keep my problems and what not to myself.  My husband says that sometimes I am a little too private.  Well, that may be true but for someone who spent a good chunk of her life living behind the scenes, I feel that I am taking baby steps.  I don't have a lot of friends and there is a reason for that.  I know what its like to have someone stab you in the back over something stupid.  I know what its like to think you have a friend and then realize that all they want is something from you.  I don't like confrontation and would just as soon fade into the background as to have a big fight over something that isn't worth fighting over.  I have my husband and my daughter and as I said, a few friends.  I sit and read Facebook and realize that I am more envious of people than I should be.  But, in the end, I know that there are changes that need to be made in my life and that only I can make those changes.

First and foremost, the main change I will be making in my life is to live a healthier one.  This is not a decision that I came to over night.  I have been working on this for some time.  I want to feel better and I want my daughter to feel better about herself.  However, I had a wake up call recently that made me realize that things can change in the blink of an eye and you never know what may happen on any given day.  I will not go into details at this time about this wake up call.  I still don't know all of the information that I need to make an educated decision.  I hope to be able to explain everything once I know what is going on.

Just another day

So, I guess people don't find me interesting.  Well, that is ok.  This blog is mostly for me.  If anything I say somehow helps someone else then that is great.  If it doesn't then I am ok with that as well.  I made some decisions this week and I hope they are for the best.  I still want to finish school and one day start my own business.  However, while I am doing this, I need a way to help take care of my family.  I have already planted a vegetable garden and decided after some research and some phone calls that I am going to raise a few chickens in the back yard.  You can call me crazy but hey I have to do what I have to do to take care of my family.  I am still looking for what would be the best breed to keep in my backyard but it will not be long before I have a little flock out there.  I am looking for some that will produce plenty of eggs and some that will be used to feed my family.  I have never raised my own food like that before but with the economy the way it is, sometimes you have to do what needs to be done.  I have to find some wood and build a chicken coop and research how much food is going to cost me for these chickens. But I know I can do it and my family will be there to support this latest venture.


On the home front, my husband is working harder than ever.  Yesterday he worked a 15 hour day and he found out today that he will be working 2 extra days this week.  The money will be great but I know that he is getting tired of being the only bread winner in the house.  He is very supportive of my dreams and has never once told me that I needed to get a job outside of the home.  I have the hope that once I finish my degree I will be able to help him go back and get his degree. He wants to get a degree but I don't think he has decided what he wants to be when he grows up. LOL....I will be spending this week doing homework, and finally cleaning out my house.  I want to go through everything and if I haven't used it in six months or seen it for that matter, it is going to Good Will.  Over the next few months we are going to start doing some spring cleaning I guess you could say.  I want to clean up the yard to make it look more presentable.  We are going to fix the front porch and paint it.  I want to be proud of people coming over to my house.  Right now, I would much rather people not see where I live.  I know that is silly but I spent a good part of my life worrying so much about what people thought of me.  I know I have a few good friends who don't care one way or the other but this is more for boosting my self esteem and making things look pretty outside as well as in.  


I have decided to do the walk for breast cancer in October in Charlotte.  Its a two day event and maybe I'm crazy for wanting to walk 39 miles but its for a good cause and I just feel the need to give back.  It is going to take a lot of hard work and determination but I know I can do it.  My daughter wants to do it too.  We are still waiting for the paperwork about how much the registration fee is and all of that.  I just hope I have the will power to succeed.  Blessed Be.

So long...I had to write.

I started this blog as kind of like a journal to express my thoughts and just keep them from being jumbled up in my head.  And here it has been a while since I have posted.  Over the past couple of months I have had an epiphany.  I have only about 8 months before I reach my goal of having my college degree.  I have been working hard to get this done and to keep my GPA up.  I have also been working on a business plan to start my own business.  At first I thought I wanted what some would call an occult shop.  I do not believe in the occult but I am however, a Pagan.  This is what I believe and will continue to believe.  Sometimes the only time I feel at peace is when I am outside in nature.  I listen to the birds, the trees, the wind.....its a wonderful song that can be so very peaceful if you just take the time to listen.  I understand that some people will look down upon me because I do not believe what they believe but I can not be what someone else wants me to be.  I am me, plain and simple.  You have two choices when you meet me, you can either accept me for who I am or you can choose to walk away.  There have been several people that have walked away from me and who I am and I feel that those people lost a very good friend when they chose that direction.

But enough of that self-pity crap, even though I am not real sure that is what it is.  I miss some of those people that chose to walk away, but I am better for it.  I would not be where or who I am today without the people that touched my life in some small way.  Now back to the business that I want to open.  I still may one day open my little shop, but I will begin first with my passion for event planning and start a small business out of my home.  This way I can spend more time with my family.  Once my event planning business gets off the ground I will still possibly open up my little shop.  I will sell books on alternative medicine, incense, candles, herbs, handmade soaps, etc.  And I will still plan events for people.  I would love to plan parties, weddings, reunions, all kinds of fun times for people that just don't have time to do all the planning on their own.

This post was not supposed to be this jumbled but I feel that I am in a place now where I will post more often and my thoughts will be less jumbled.  Blessed Be my friends.  May the Goddess shine upon your life as She has mine.

a wonderful picture of a rainbow...just wanted to share.