Just a little venting

As many know, I have had a lot of trials and tribulations in my life lately.  We lost our home and had to move.  I had a really bad scare with some medical issues.  I have spent a good chunk of the last four months trying to get my family back on track.  Today, I was shown exactly how people perceive me and I didn't like it.  But, I also know that I have a wonderful husband and daughter and whether people like me or not is no longer a concern of mine.  I try very hard not to share my problems on Facebook.  I do post about some of my feelings and have discovered that some people don't like those either.  I was always under the impression that it was ok to let people know how you feel about things.  I guess that with some people, unless you feel as they do, your opinions and feelings do not count.  My feelings are my feelings and I should not have to justify them to anyone.  I spent the better part of the first of the year planning my high school reunion.  I wanted to get people t-shirts to commemorate the event.  However, with the things that have happened in my life recently, they have been on hold.  I had to pay for these out of my own pocket and now people are asking for their money back.  This is fine.  I will gladly pay them back.  I just don't feel that people should be upset with me because I don't have a perfect life like some of them do.  I know that is not a good thing to envy people.  But sometimes when I think about how great everyone else's life is, I feel that much more crappy about mine.  I had an anxiety attack yesterday.  I didn't like the way it made me feel and I hope to never have one again.  But unless I can get my stress level under control, I see them happening more and more.  I chose to start this blog to write my thoughts and to get things that were on my mind out.  Hopefully, so I could get my stress level under control.  But considering what happened to me yesterday, it isn't happening.  

I have a goal.  I want a better life for me and my family.  I will start my business.  And I hope and pray to the Goddess that it is successful.  This is my dream and I am taking the steps to make it happen.  I am almost done with school.  However, with my stress level so high, I have been letting that go by the wayside.  I have a week to get everything caught up and I hope I can do so.  This is something that is very important to me and I want to graduate and get my degree.  People keep telling me they are proud of me for sticking with it.  I hope I don't disappoint them.  I hope I don't disappoint me.  

BLESSED BE!

Just a little

I had not intended on writing today but I just read an old post and wanted to smack myself for attempting to step away from my dream. Now yes, I do love to plan a good party and at one point thought I could make a go of it. However, that is not my dream. My dream is to open my metaphysical shop and get in touch with my inner self. I also want to let people know that just because a person is not of the same belief as you doesn't mean that they are a bad person. How many people light a candle just to enjoy the light or the fragrance?? How many light a candle to remember a loved one? All of these people are performing a type of ritual.

I spent a good chunk of my life living up to everyone else's expectations and along the way I have forgotten my own. I am starting to remember what my purpose is. Yes there will be some that will think less of me and probably step away. But you know there are those that were meant to be a part of my life and those that were meant to be a part of my past. I am blessed by the Goddess to have the ones that are meant to be there. Blessed Be!

Decisions, decisions

A friend of mine told me I should keep up with this blog, so here we are.  I've spent the past few days making some lists.  One list I made was a bucket list.  I know everyone says they have one, but I had never really thought about it.  I just figured I'd do what I was meant to do.  Well, I am doing what I was meant to do.  I am raising my family and finishing school.  I am also rediscovering my chosen path.  I know there are still alot of people out there who don't understand the path that I have chosen.  I can't change those people's points of view, but I can hopefully make them understand better.  If they chose to remain in my life, they will accept me and all that I am.  If they chose to condemn me for it, then I guess that will be their loss for not being able to understand and know a wonderful person.  

I have been working on my business plan in between school and, well, life.  I would like to meet again with my new friend and hopefully she can help me put into words what I am trying to say.  I want my shop to cater to everyone.  I want people to feel comfortable coming in and looking around.  I don't want anyone to feel that I would push my beliefs on them just for coming into my shop.  I will be looking around over the next couple of months for some shop space.  I have to determine where I want the shop to be.  Do I want it to be downtown?  Or do I want the shop to be located some where near the mall?  I think downtown will probably be a better location because of the fact that they are working so hard to bring it back.  

My daughter and I had a lovely afternoon together, just the two of us.  We made some decisions about what we will be doing over the holidays and what we will be doing at Christmas.  This year we will be staying at home for a "staycation" as my daughter put it.  Just some relaxation and family time.  Next year we will be going to the mountains and staying in a cottage for a week.  I want some time with just us three before my daughter goes off to college, which is speeding up on me quicker than I would like.  She still has some decisions to make there but I know she will make the ones she needs to.

New friends

About a week ago, I finally met in person a wonderful woman who follows the same path that I do.  It was wonderful to sit and talk with her and just feel a sisterhood.  I had been feeling a little off kilter as of late.  I wasn't sure where I was going and what I wanted to do.  I had been thinking very hard about opening my own business and how I was going to do it.  She talked to me about the different things I should look into and I was really surprised at the steps that I had overlooked.  I am on a good path and I know that this is the path that I need to be on.  I have been slipping in school and have now caught back up and have raised my GPA.  Until the other day at lunch, I had actually thought about forgetting it all.  Now I am glad I didn't.  This is what I need to do and this is what I was meant to do.  I hope that with my business I can put to rest any misconceptions people have about the path that we have chosen.  I have some more research to do and definitely ALOT more reading to do, but I know that I will get there and soon.  The Winter Soltice is soon and I am looking forward to it for the first time in a while.  Blessed Be!