One heck of a week, let me tell you. I spent over nine hours in the ER on Monday trying to figure out what was going with my side. And after those long, BORING hours sitting there doing nothing, I was told "we don't know what is wrong, but if it happens again or you start to run a fever, come back." Why would I want to come back to a place where they tell you they see you in the order of need, not the order you enter the ER, and yet I sat there for four hours, and watched them deal with sniffles and runny noses while I sat in a hard wheelchair, doubled over in pain. The pain has still not gone away and all week I have felt like all I wanted to do was sleep. I made a nice dinner for the family Wednesday night, and couldn't keep it down. I have only been sick like that twice and both times I was pregnant. I am pretty positive there is no pregnancy, but something is going on and I want to know what. I called my regular doctor and I hope I can deal with this until the 17th when I have my appointment.
Someone asked me a while back why I didn't go out much anymore. Well, honestly, I just don't have the urge to do so. Plus, nothing against my husband, it would be nice to have another couple or a few friends to go out with every now and again. We don't have many friends, and there is a very good reason for that. I won't get into that here because it's just too long of an explanation to try and put it all on here. Just let me say that when you get let down over and over and over again, you learn to quit relying on people and start relying on yourself. Because in the end, the only person you can really count on is yourself. I don't like feeling that way, and I am trying very hard to not feel that way. But sometimes it is hard to put my trust in people. I sit here at home every day with no one to talk to but my animals. I do homework, housework, and when weather permits, I do yard work. I wish I had a job to go to every day and socialize with other adults, but until I can get my business up and running, that just isn't in the cards for me right now. I have accepted the fact that my last employer screwed me out of a job in this town. And I know that Karma will come around and bite him square in his ass for what he did to me. And I hope that I am around to pop the popcorn for that show.
Ok, onto other things. My wonderful daughter turned 17 on Tuesday. She is growing up so fast and I just don't know where the time is going. She has started looking at colleges and sent off a card the other day to go visit one in March. She is into her second half of her junior year and is talking about prom and buying a car. Where did my little girl go? Where did my lovely little giggling child go who used to climb into my lap and ask me to sing to her? Yes, my little girl is no longer a little girl. She is growing into a wonderful young woman who will do great things. Saturday night we are taking her out to dinner and I hope she has a wonderful time. I am also putting together a cookbook for her with some recipes from me, her grandmother and her great grandmother..3 generations of recipes to put together. It won't be done by Saturday but I can't wait to get it all put together. It has brought so many wonderful memories looking through all these recipes from my mom and my grandmother. Blessed Be everyone, have a wonderful weekend.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Pipe dreams
Our holidays were, to say the least, not the best this year. My jeep broke down. We didn't have the best time. But now is the new year. I am back to school, and I'm very determined to obtain my degree very soon. I have been doing some thinking lately and have some things I want to do. I have been toying for a very long time with writing a book. I have some characters in mind, and a possible plot. But I keep coming around to writing about my life. I don't know if it would even get picked up by a publisher, but hey, maybe I just need to write it for me. I have so many things I want people to know and I have always been a person who was better at writing my feelings down, than speaking them verbally. Who knows, maybe I will just sit down and do it one day.
This is a new year and a new me. I have begun a path of healthier eating and healthier living. I have started walking more and my menus for my family are healthier. My goal is to lose at least 50 pounds by June. I know I can do it and so can my daughter. She is my inspiration for this. She needs to get healthier and I am going to walk right along with her. My husband, of course, is right there with us. But he really doesn't have a choice. LOL...he has to eat what everyone else is eating and well, if that means healthy foods then he'll just have to eat them too. He doesn't care. He wants us to do what makes us happy. That is why I love him so much. He is always there to pick me up when I fall and to make me laugh when all I want to do is cry.
Another thing I have been thinking about is applying to appear on a television show called Chopped. We are a very Food Network family. We have certain shows that we like to watch and most of them seem to air on the Food Network. One of these shows is Chopped. There are four contestants who each get a mystery basket. The challenge is to prepare a course out of the ingredients in the basket. There are three rounds and the winner walks away with $10,000. Maybe its a pipe dream, but my family loves my cooking and I love to experiment with cooking. Who knows? Maybe I could go on the show and walk away with the money. Or I could get on the show and freeze and embarass myself lol. I have the application downloaded and I am filling it out. Whether I send it in or not is another question. I'll talk to my husband and daughter and see what they think. I'd really like to do it, but I'm also scared to death that I will make a fool of myself.
I'm going to meditate on these things and see where the Goddess leads me. Everyone have a wonderful day. Blessed Be.
Just a lovely shot of the sky around sunset.
This is a new year and a new me. I have begun a path of healthier eating and healthier living. I have started walking more and my menus for my family are healthier. My goal is to lose at least 50 pounds by June. I know I can do it and so can my daughter. She is my inspiration for this. She needs to get healthier and I am going to walk right along with her. My husband, of course, is right there with us. But he really doesn't have a choice. LOL...he has to eat what everyone else is eating and well, if that means healthy foods then he'll just have to eat them too. He doesn't care. He wants us to do what makes us happy. That is why I love him so much. He is always there to pick me up when I fall and to make me laugh when all I want to do is cry.
Another thing I have been thinking about is applying to appear on a television show called Chopped. We are a very Food Network family. We have certain shows that we like to watch and most of them seem to air on the Food Network. One of these shows is Chopped. There are four contestants who each get a mystery basket. The challenge is to prepare a course out of the ingredients in the basket. There are three rounds and the winner walks away with $10,000. Maybe its a pipe dream, but my family loves my cooking and I love to experiment with cooking. Who knows? Maybe I could go on the show and walk away with the money. Or I could get on the show and freeze and embarass myself lol. I have the application downloaded and I am filling it out. Whether I send it in or not is another question. I'll talk to my husband and daughter and see what they think. I'd really like to do it, but I'm also scared to death that I will make a fool of myself.
I'm going to meditate on these things and see where the Goddess leads me. Everyone have a wonderful day. Blessed Be.
Just a lovely shot of the sky around sunset.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
It's time for a change
Well I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas or a Blessed Yule. I had a wonderful day at home with my husband and my daughter. However, Christmas Eve wasn't all that wonderful for me. My daughter had to work, and my husband and I went to finish a couple of last minute things. On the way we had a little car trouble. We thought we had fixed it, until we were headed back to pick up my daughter from work. We spent almost an hour on the side of the road trying to make phone calls for someone to come get us. We thought we had lost the transmission, but it was a brake problem stemming from the brake booster we replaced the day before. We don't know what is wrong at this time, but the vehicle is home and we are hoping to get it fixed very soon.
I spent a few minutes on Christmas day speaking with a friend of mine and deciding that even though life has thrown us both some curve balls over the past month or so, we are going to celebrate life. We are both healthy, well for the most part, and we have found a friendship with each other. This coming year is going to be a wonderful year. I am not going to dwell on the past. The past is just that. It is the past. There is nothing I can do to change it, however, there is something I can do about my future. People will be what they are. I am who I am. If you can accept me for me, then I gladly welcome you into my reality. If you can not, then I bid you goodbye and offer you blessings for a good life.
I've made some decisions over the past few days and I hope I have the courage to stick to them. I am no longer going to be concerned with the opinions of other people whether they be family or friends. I have to live my own life and I can't continue letting other people interfere. I am going to finish school and open my shop. And I can't wait until I have that opening day. It is going to be GLORIOUS!! I know they say 50% of all new businesses fail within the first year, but I have faith in the Goddess that this is my destiny. This is what I was meant to do. And I am going to do it. I know that I have what it takes to succeed and I have my family to stand behind me. Many blessings to all of you and Blessed Be!!
I spent a few minutes on Christmas day speaking with a friend of mine and deciding that even though life has thrown us both some curve balls over the past month or so, we are going to celebrate life. We are both healthy, well for the most part, and we have found a friendship with each other. This coming year is going to be a wonderful year. I am not going to dwell on the past. The past is just that. It is the past. There is nothing I can do to change it, however, there is something I can do about my future. People will be what they are. I am who I am. If you can accept me for me, then I gladly welcome you into my reality. If you can not, then I bid you goodbye and offer you blessings for a good life.
I've made some decisions over the past few days and I hope I have the courage to stick to them. I am no longer going to be concerned with the opinions of other people whether they be family or friends. I have to live my own life and I can't continue letting other people interfere. I am going to finish school and open my shop. And I can't wait until I have that opening day. It is going to be GLORIOUS!! I know they say 50% of all new businesses fail within the first year, but I have faith in the Goddess that this is my destiny. This is what I was meant to do. And I am going to do it. I know that I have what it takes to succeed and I have my family to stand behind me. Many blessings to all of you and Blessed Be!!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
My path
As I sit and write this, I am thinking of all of the men and women who are serving our country this holiday season. I want to start by saying THANK YOU for your service and I hope that you will be home with your families very soon.
This holiday season is not a merry one for me. I have my husband and my daughter and I am thankful to the Goddess for them both. But I so much want to be able to have a better relationship with the rest of my family. But it is a time of new beginnings and cleansing. As I sat in my meditation space during the Solstice, I began to feel a connection to the Earth. I have never felt so open and in tune with Mother Earth. I know people don't understand my religious path. But it is not for other people to understand my path, it is only that they allow me to believe the way I do and allow me my freedom to practice the way I choose. I meditate each night (well I try to) on the day's happenings and on things that I feel I need some guidance about. My meditations lately have taken me to a path where I can see myself fulfilling my dreams and finally becoming the person that I want to be. Each person must follow the path that they are given and I have swayed from this path so much lately that I need to get back on it. It will take some time and some patience. But with a little guidance and my own perseverance I know that I will be back on the path meant for me.
I spent a lot of time in my life giving of myself and making sure everyone else was happy. This Solstice I made a promise to myself to take a little more time for me. I will be finishing school very soon and that will put me one step closer to where I need to be. I will be meeting with a woman about some space for my shop after the holidays. I have found a sister of the heart who follows the same path as I do. We have both had some issues concerning people not understanding why we follow the path that we do. But we both know that this is the path we chose. People seem to think that Pagans and Wiccans are devil worshipers. Trust me, we are NOT. We worship the Earth. Christians think of going to church as meeting inside a building once a week and saying their prayers. I am in church every time I step outside. The Earth is my church. I don't condemn other religions and I expect the same considerations about mine. I am who I am and your approval is neither desired nor required. But I will take your acceptance. However, if you can not accept me for who I am, then please let me show you the door.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a Happy and Safe New Year. Blessed Be my friends. And may the Goddess bless you with wonderful things in the coming year.
This holiday season is not a merry one for me. I have my husband and my daughter and I am thankful to the Goddess for them both. But I so much want to be able to have a better relationship with the rest of my family. But it is a time of new beginnings and cleansing. As I sat in my meditation space during the Solstice, I began to feel a connection to the Earth. I have never felt so open and in tune with Mother Earth. I know people don't understand my religious path. But it is not for other people to understand my path, it is only that they allow me to believe the way I do and allow me my freedom to practice the way I choose. I meditate each night (well I try to) on the day's happenings and on things that I feel I need some guidance about. My meditations lately have taken me to a path where I can see myself fulfilling my dreams and finally becoming the person that I want to be. Each person must follow the path that they are given and I have swayed from this path so much lately that I need to get back on it. It will take some time and some patience. But with a little guidance and my own perseverance I know that I will be back on the path meant for me.
I spent a lot of time in my life giving of myself and making sure everyone else was happy. This Solstice I made a promise to myself to take a little more time for me. I will be finishing school very soon and that will put me one step closer to where I need to be. I will be meeting with a woman about some space for my shop after the holidays. I have found a sister of the heart who follows the same path as I do. We have both had some issues concerning people not understanding why we follow the path that we do. But we both know that this is the path we chose. People seem to think that Pagans and Wiccans are devil worshipers. Trust me, we are NOT. We worship the Earth. Christians think of going to church as meeting inside a building once a week and saying their prayers. I am in church every time I step outside. The Earth is my church. I don't condemn other religions and I expect the same considerations about mine. I am who I am and your approval is neither desired nor required. But I will take your acceptance. However, if you can not accept me for who I am, then please let me show you the door.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a Happy and Safe New Year. Blessed Be my friends. And may the Goddess bless you with wonderful things in the coming year.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
A letter to me
Dear Me,
I know that you are nearing 40, but it is time to take a little stock in your life. When you were 17 you found out you were pregnant and gave birth to a son. You spent two years giving him your very best, only to have him ripped from you by a crappy court. You then married a man who wanted you to be something you weren't but you tried and tried and still after almost 8 years you just couldn't do it anymore. Through all of that time, you had a mother who spent her days making sure you knew how you were the one who screwed everything up. She never forgave you for the things that happened with your son in 1993. You both tried to make things better. You had an argument and said the things that needed to be said. And you thought things were going well. You moved around a little and finally ended up back home in your hometown. But you are nearing 40 and things can and do change. Tonight kind of solidified the constant problems between you and your mother. She is set in her ways and obviously doesn't want to change. You can't please her so why do you even try. It does you no good to try and make her happy when she is obviously miserable and likes it that way. You made an honest mistake today and instead of asking why and trying to understand, she blew it out of proportion and made ugly statements about it on Facebook. I enjoy Facebook just as much as the next person, but sometimes its just SO STUPID. You have a daughter who loves you and a husband who thinks you are wonderful. Why are you so stuck on trying to please a miserable woman? Yes she is your mother and I know you love her. But when is it ever going to be good enough for her? Let me tell you, it's not. You have made some gradual changes in your life lately. And you are taking the steps in the direction of making your dreams come true. I hope and pray to the Goddess that your mother grows up and realizes how wonderful a person you are, but unfortunately I don't think it will ever happen. She is angry about, whatever, and she doesn't want to try and make amends for it. You have apologized and apologized to her for everything, but it will be up to her whether she accepts those apologies. You can't keep worrying about whether or not she approves. You are a grown woman and the only approval you need is your own. Keep the faith my sister, my friend. The Goddess is watching out for you and will be there when you need her most. Blessed Be!
I know that you are nearing 40, but it is time to take a little stock in your life. When you were 17 you found out you were pregnant and gave birth to a son. You spent two years giving him your very best, only to have him ripped from you by a crappy court. You then married a man who wanted you to be something you weren't but you tried and tried and still after almost 8 years you just couldn't do it anymore. Through all of that time, you had a mother who spent her days making sure you knew how you were the one who screwed everything up. She never forgave you for the things that happened with your son in 1993. You both tried to make things better. You had an argument and said the things that needed to be said. And you thought things were going well. You moved around a little and finally ended up back home in your hometown. But you are nearing 40 and things can and do change. Tonight kind of solidified the constant problems between you and your mother. She is set in her ways and obviously doesn't want to change. You can't please her so why do you even try. It does you no good to try and make her happy when she is obviously miserable and likes it that way. You made an honest mistake today and instead of asking why and trying to understand, she blew it out of proportion and made ugly statements about it on Facebook. I enjoy Facebook just as much as the next person, but sometimes its just SO STUPID. You have a daughter who loves you and a husband who thinks you are wonderful. Why are you so stuck on trying to please a miserable woman? Yes she is your mother and I know you love her. But when is it ever going to be good enough for her? Let me tell you, it's not. You have made some gradual changes in your life lately. And you are taking the steps in the direction of making your dreams come true. I hope and pray to the Goddess that your mother grows up and realizes how wonderful a person you are, but unfortunately I don't think it will ever happen. She is angry about, whatever, and she doesn't want to try and make amends for it. You have apologized and apologized to her for everything, but it will be up to her whether she accepts those apologies. You can't keep worrying about whether or not she approves. You are a grown woman and the only approval you need is your own. Keep the faith my sister, my friend. The Goddess is watching out for you and will be there when you need her most. Blessed Be!
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Cleansing
Sometimes it's just time for a little cleansing. I began cleaning out my friends list on Facebook. I had already made the decision to get rid of a bunch of people but had been putting it off because it was just too much trouble to go through and delete one person at a time. There isn't a way to mass delete people. So with the solstice coming up I decided to go ahead and do it. I'm getting rid of people who don't really talk to me and who are only there because of my recent reunion. The reunion has come and gone and there just is no reason to keep them any longer. I wasn't friends with them in school and I'm not friends with them now. I have discovered recently that its not the quantity of friends you have but the quality of the friends you have. And I've noticed that the quality of my friends has grown lately. I don't have many but the ones I have are genuinely quality friends.
I looked at a store front today and got some information on it. It's a little bigger than I expects but it could work. I'll wait for the contact from the lady downtown but I think this could be what I'm looking for. I'm not going to stand idly by anymore while everyone else gets what they want. I'm going after what I want and by the Goddess I'm going to get it.
Blessed Be my lovelies!!
I looked at a store front today and got some information on it. It's a little bigger than I expects but it could work. I'll wait for the contact from the lady downtown but I think this could be what I'm looking for. I'm not going to stand idly by anymore while everyone else gets what they want. I'm going after what I want and by the Goddess I'm going to get it.
Blessed Be my lovelies!!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Just a couple of thoughts
I don't ask for much. I ask that my child be happy and my family be healthy. However, sometimes those things aren't where I want them to be. I know that things don't always go the way we want them to. But sometimes I just wish for once they would go our way. My family has been through enough. Okay, I am not going to rant and rave about things not going right. However, the Winter Solstice is coming up and it is a time of renewal and regeneration. I think there will be some wonderful changes in the coming year.
I took a step yesterday towards my business. I contacted the downtown area about available spaces for my shop. There is a small space available and I will be going to look at it sometime next week. There are several programs I was informed about because of the rehab that is going on downtown. I hope to be able to qualify for a couple of these. I really want this shop to be a success and I have every confidence that I can do this.
This is probably going to be my shortest entry ever, but there are just so many things going through my head that if I continue to type I'll run out of space, lol. Oh but I did get a new addition to our little family this week. His name is Merlin and he is a 9 week old rat terrier puppy. He is still very much a baby and needs a lot of attention. Blessed Be everyone......
I took a step yesterday towards my business. I contacted the downtown area about available spaces for my shop. There is a small space available and I will be going to look at it sometime next week. There are several programs I was informed about because of the rehab that is going on downtown. I hope to be able to qualify for a couple of these. I really want this shop to be a success and I have every confidence that I can do this.
This is probably going to be my shortest entry ever, but there are just so many things going through my head that if I continue to type I'll run out of space, lol. Oh but I did get a new addition to our little family this week. His name is Merlin and he is a 9 week old rat terrier puppy. He is still very much a baby and needs a lot of attention. Blessed Be everyone......
this is Merlin....isn't he just SO cute??
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